Money, Consent & Boundaries

It’s evident society has evolved in how we view personal boundaries and consent, but why does it seem we are not evolving when it comes to our relationship with money?

We’ve watched women stand up. We’ve watched younger generations make it very clear that predatory behavior from the past is no longer tolerated. We’ve embraced more open conversations around personal boundaries and individual autonomy.

It’s been a beautiful thing to witness as a millennial woman.

Because if I’m honest… consent was not really taught when I was growing up. Sure, D.A.R.E. told us to “just say no.” But that rhetoric wasn’t nuanced. It wasn’t empowering. It didn’t teach us how to communicate desire, boundaries, or discomfort. It didn’t teach us how to recognize pressure.

Now we talk about enthusiastic consent. We talk about boundaries. We talk about safety.

And as I’ve been servicing clients for over six years in the financial planning industry, I’m noticing something that feels like a gap.

We have evolved sexually and emotionally. But we have not evolved financially.

I’m seeing a lack of consent and boundary setting when it comes to money.

And why is that?

Money is status.

Money is importance.

Money is belonging.

So when we say no financially… do we fear not being important? Not being included? Not being chosen?

Maybe.

But what I do know is this:

Just like the time and energy we choose to share with others, how we spend our dollars requires the same level of discernment.

Choose carefully.

Not everyone and everything deserves access.

And yes, when it comes to your bank account, that includes social pressure.

I’m a strong believer in experiences. I build experiences. I love travel, dinners, weddings, birthdays, music events, and retreats.

But not at the cost of my livelihood.

And I see that happening.

The people we love and their life events are important. Weddings. Bachelor and bachelorette parties. Destination birthdays. Baby showers. It all matters.

But why are we afraid to ask:

How much should I expect to spend?

What’s the range?

Is there flexibility?

Can I opt out of certain things?

Why does asking feel shameful?

And more importantly, why is setting a boundary with ourselves so hard?

Example: just being okay with not buying an extravagant gift or buying a gift at all. Presence is truly an enormous gift.

In many areas of life, we’ve learned it’s empowering to clearly state what we want, how far we’re willing to go, and who we feel safe with.

Healthy financial boundaries are empowering.

Letting people know you’re focused on building wealth, keeping a budget, or paying down debt doesn’t mean you’re broke. It means you’re aware.

Brené Brown says, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves.”

And isn’t that what this really is?

When we don’t set financial boundaries, we’re not being generous. We’re often abandoning ourselves to be liked. To be included. To be seen as important.

Financial consent is self-respect.

We live in a country where the average American carries thousands in credit card debt. Federal Reserve data (Consumer Credit Report, G.19, data series available since 1996 through present) shows revolving credit balances have increased over time. Nearly 60 percent of Americans report living paycheck to paycheck, according to LendingClub’s 2024 Financial Health Report (based on 2023 data).

This isn’t just about math.

It’s about pressure. It’s about identity. It’s about the fear of being the only one who says no.

Behavioral economists like Daniel Kahneman and Richard Thaler have studied how social proof and loss aversion drive our decisions. Translation? We would rather overspend than feel excluded.

We would rather swipe the card than risk not belonging.

But belonging bought on debt is not empowerment.

Just like making decisions that don’t align with your long-term well-being can leave a lasting negative impact, the same goes for your financial decisions. They should align with your greater good from a place of self-respect and self-love.

I also see this with high earners.

High earners who feel pressure to succeed and show it. High earners who equate generosity with value. High earners who spend because they can, not because they should.

We have created a culture where personal boundaries are becoming clearer.

But financial boundaries are still quite blurry.

Maybe the next evolution is this:

Normalizing financial consent.

Normalizing saying:

“That’s more than I’m comfortable spending.”

“I need financial clarity before I commit.”

“I’m being intentional with my money this year.”

“I can celebrate you without spending that much.”

Setting boundaries isn’t just about one area of life, it’s about our time, energy, and capital. Our time, energy, and money are all resources that deserve intentional decision-making.

And maybe if we treated our bank accounts with the same level of care and intentionality we apply in other areas of personal decision-making, we would see less shame and more empowerment.

I hope this left you thinking.

I invite you to ask yourself three questions:

Do I spend money in alignment with my highest good?

Am I more concerned with how I am financially perceived than with what my accounts actually reflect?

Does money stress me out so much that I avoid setting boundaries with myself and others?

If this resonates, you are not alone. The work we do at Oleada Financial is intended to help clients evaluate financial decisions in alignment with their goals.

Reach out and schedule time with us. Conversations are handled in accordance with applicable privacy and regulatory requirements. We meet you exactly where you are.

Sources

Federal Reserve. Consumer Credit Report (G.19).https://www.federalreserve.gov/releases/g19/

Federal Reserve. Report on the Economic Well-Being of U.S. Households.https://www.federalreserve.gov/consumerscommunities/shed.htm

LendingClub. 2024 Financial Health Report (based on 2023 data).https://www.lendingclub.com/company/financial-health-report

Kahneman, Daniel. Thinking, Fast and Slow.

Thaler, Richard & Sunstein, Cass. Nudge.

Disclosure

Oleada Financial provides advisory services through Rossby Financial LLC, a registered investment adviser. Rossby Financial LLC does not offer tax or legal advice.